To be still.
Quiet within.
Makes it possible to hear the whisper of inner truth.

To join other people
in common search of peacejoy.
Dance. Talk. Laugh and cry. Learn together.
Share experiences, present tense and past.

To love.
Read books on the power of thoughts.
Write my own down, analyze them, understand, accept
and change the fearful ones.
Sing my sorrow and my happiness.

To know.
That my emotions are not me.
I am the witness, watching the energy in motion through me.
And to know that I am not a separate being,
but one with all.
And to know. That death is my friend.

About positive solutions.
To political problems.

About personal pains.
And how to mend.

About artistic expressions
-their humour and clever commenting.

About life´s syncronicities and
its other magical stuff.

About my feelings and thoughts.
And the ones of my partner in the conversation.

About Love.
Bringing tears of gratitude in my eyes.

About beauty, and spirit.
The wonder of near death experiences.

About anything personal, of importance.
About anything else than
superficial shallow small
talk of things one owns or
what the neighbour did last night.

About things that matter.
Matters of the heart, the soul.

The best "thing" I have "lost"
is my cat. Puma Pyjamas Beach-under-water. His name is. Due to his looks.
Pyjamas for short.
Coz his fur is redbrown/white stripey.(in waveshapes,like rippled sand).
And seemed loose and comfy on his thin, long baby body.
He was born in my attick flat. In my cupboard. 22.11.2003.
(One year later, excact same date, my daughter was born).

He was different from the 4 others. (or 5, one died the 3.day).
When I walked into the room, as they were drinking mother´s milk, he´d look up at me and miaow non stop until I picked him up. He´d wobble his way over to me to come fall asleep in my hands. He melted my heart.
I was gonna give all the kittens away. But I had to keep him.

He was so loving. His mom had another litter. So now I had mother, young son and 5 more baby kittens jumping about. Pyjamas would play with the little ones, lie on a chair and lazily sway his tail, and they´d jump and catch it...so amazingly cute...
His mama taught him to treat them with care. It was a gift to get to watch them.

When my daughter and I came from the hospital, new born, he was there. Came to greet her so extremely carefully. When I breastfed her in bed, he´d come lie next to us. Put one paw on her head and one paw on my shoulder, purring us to sleep...

Pyjamas. My heart still aches with longing. You are family to me. Not human.
But that makes you no less family. It is a year since you disappeared. Chased away by the neighbourhood cats. I´ve come and found you so many times before, as you got yourself locked up, in garages and renovated houses, scared by sounds and too good at hiding... I´ve come to save you so many times. Carrying you home all weak, like a child, your paws around my neck, your head exhausted on my chest.
Washing you, feeding you back to strength...
And yet this last time I could not find you. I did call, I did search. But 4 days later I had a ticket to Denmark, so I left. Told everyone I knew to look out for you and take you in, so I could have you back. Or have you still. But.

I miss your lovely, thick, soft fur. The smell of you. The feeling of your cold nose on mine. The sound you make as you fall to sleep on my tummy (You always used me as a mattress when I lay on the sofa reading), the sound of your ears as you shake them, the look of you yawning, and stretching, the ways you had with my daughter as she grew from 0 to 2 and a half years old...
I could go on and on.

Pyjamas. With the white chest,stomach,throat. And paws.
With the amazing Davy Crocket tail. The very pink nose.
The darker "wood cat M" on your forehead,as your mother was a Norwegian wood cat.

I love you. So much. And I miss you so badly.
The trance medium said I will meet with you again, in an other incarnation,later.
Whatever that means.
I just wish I could have 5 minutes with your paws around my neck, looking into your yellow eyes, hearing your purr, filling my world with the smell of you.

Who says sorrow is smaller when one loses a non human?
And why should it be. Life is life. Love is love.
I just hope you are dead and happy, not suffering.
That you have peace and joy.
My dear Pyjamas.

Bridging. Connecting.
Places. People.

Understanding.
Seeing the gaps between participants
of con versation, and
bridging the imagined distances,
helping them see ways to agree.

Connecting mind and heart.
Bridging the gap from stop to start
so there can be a cycle, continuous.
Energy. Empathy.
A channel for peace.

A link not missing.
Connecting truth and soul.

Well,
I`m sitting upstairs in my parents`home ,and it`s sunny ouside the window!!
Very rare for this time of year, here.
Amazing.
About today, is I`m gonna stay
at my childhood girlfriends`place tonight.
Gonna make my heart feel light
to be with her again, she`s known me since I was 12,
no one else knows me the same way.
Amazing today, if our luggage still fits in our cases and sacks
after everyone`s been pouring presents onto my daughter... !
Amazing today, I`ve survived first part of this trip real well,
one more part, seeing friends in Bergen, will be easier emotionally,
yet much harder physically, than the cushioned nice food and car-driving days here.
Amazing, I`m half way through the trip, and soon I will be back home again.
To organize her 4.birthday coming up, to write and dance and get back into all the special stuff waiting there in my Danish excistence.
Amazing. To know I can go there, home, and
the most amazing man is waiting,
all mine, for me!
What a sweet, amazing luxury.

By listening.
Helping them express the energies in motion
and to help them analyze what the feelings signify.

Sadness. Sorrow.
Comes in waves
Overwhelmes. But does not overflow.
Let it through. Allow it passage up through you,
and it comes out of you and leaves you.
New waves will follow. In a while.
When a wave is finished, you feel empty.
It´s time to rest, digest, breathe between the attacks of despair.

Yes, I have been there.
In me. Within myself.
That does not mean I know how you feel. Only you know.
But I can relate, I can understand. As I have lost loved ones.
I have been sad. To the brink of not surviving.
Where the only wish in me was to get out of this life.

Comforting.
Being there. Quiet enough to really get what is expressed,
the content of the discontent.
To actively listen for key words,
asking questions, often just in the shape of repeating that key word
to help the sad person continue the thinking out loud.

Trust.
To give the sense of knowing, that sharing feelings and private thoughts
will be received with respect and humble gratitude for being shown such
trust.
To give the sense of knowing, that whatever is expressed will rermain between us, in confidence, not used as entertainment when around other people.

I find when I am sad, that it helps to have a friend who cares.
Who just IS there.
Who says something empathetic. Or who doesn´t speak.
Presence is enough. Being heard. Understood.

In Norwegian we have a saying:
happiness shared, is doubled.
problem shared, is halfed.
(If this is translatable, I´m not sure, but).

I soothe sadness, or try to, by
listening, enquiring deeper into the issue,
and respecting that whatever is to be said
is totally up to the person feeling the pain.

Empathy. Ability to understand how an other feels.
And to accept others´ pain even when we can`t rationally grasp their reasons.
Is something we should all be practicing, to strengthen.
Is something we should help our young children develope from start.
Is an extremely central element in the work for creating peace.
In my view at least.

Hmmmmm.....there are many good theories.....
F.x. Levi Strauss` theory of dichotomies;
that the human brain organizes its universe
through pairs of opposites,
such as black/ white, up/down, high/low, male/female. nature/culture.....
This is fine, but we also ascribe value to the pairs,
defining one end of the dichotomy as better, the other as worse.
Interesting. Not an excuse for intolerance.
Sooner a help to understand, so we can heal, grow beyond our limitations.
Social anthropology is full of nice theories.

Another good theory is the law of attraction.
How we create with our thoughts, our own reality.
Juicy stuff.

Other good theories are (to me) the theory of reincarnation, the theory of astrology,
the theory of zen.

A theory I here define as an idea about corelations, 
in what ways elements link up to show a more complex picture, put it like that.
I enjoy science, but I don´t believe in its right to falsify what it can not prove.
Excistence is far wider and deeper than scientific methods can grasp.
Which is a good, good thing. Or theory, if the reader prefers!
=)
Love is All. Or theory is all. There is nothing that isn´t all.
So.
Let´s just relax and laugh, why don´t we?

Wow. Yes. An apt one again... These question do me a lot of good.

Right now
My life could use healing in the area of
couple communication.
How does one, or two ones, grow into a close feeling of one
ness?
How does one create intimacy?
How can I reach him when he does not seem to understand me?
How can I better understand him?

In my world it´s all about talking.
Discussing, to agree, or agree to disagree. Seeing the other´s point,
to an as high as possible degree.

In his world it seems to be all about thinking.
No need to share info unless for a specific reason.
Decisions are made inside the mind, not between people.

I enjoy his leo independency. And I would much rather have
this challenge than the opposite, of a man who talks too much.
But.
I feel left out. Especially in desicions concerning the home we share.
There is just no space for my points to be considered sometimes.

Apart from this issue, I am very happy with him,
more happy than with any other man previously.

So I´m looking to solve our disconnectedness.
I´m not sharing this frustration to blame or complain.

This is just an area of my life that could use healing
right now.

"Every day I´m becoming more and more in tune with my higher Self
and with the law of cause and effect; Life`s way of allowing me to create my reality.
And
Every day I´m becoming better at
communicating with Love,
and my heart is opening,
its letting in light
chasing
the shadows of fear
away."

Creative expression:
Life itself is one.

Artistic expression?
(These words interlink, I know, but.
I find it easier to think when I define the words I use).

Expression. Being filled with impressions, processing them through my...brainsoulmindheartbody...
and then making my own impressions into the outer, which we call epressions...

=)
This is fun.

Which creative expressions do we have, then?
Limitless amounts.
I will include these ones here now:
Cooking, arranging things (f.x.interior design), handicrafts, woodwork,
drawing/painting, writing, singing and using other musical instruments, dancing,
hmmmmmmm........ film/videoproduction.......

My favourite.
Is writing.
Singing and dancing, though...
I feel terrible thinking about them as number two.
In a losing positiion.
I think I´ll call the three a shared first place.

Come to think of it, isn´t lovemaking also a creative expression??
Because in which case...
Writing, singing and dancing will all have to drop into second place...
Or can they all share the winning spot in my heart?
Yes, they can. I just visualize the podium to be endlessly huge,
and so all my favourites, all my beloved activities, can be there, equally.
(Coz I also love drawing, and photography, and editing video...
cooking too,or at least chopping and stirring and spicing foodstuffs...)

The mind is a numbing thing, sometimes. Useful for its purposes, but.
Meditation, stillness... I guess we can´t call these creative expressions.
Or?
I also guess we can call anything anything we choose...
=)

Writing gives me peace within. I see myself more clearly.
Singing and dancing gives me joy.
These two qualities
is my goal
no matter what
I´m engaging in.
Peace
and
Joy

1)

Chanting
is no more holy
than listening to
the murmur
of a stream.

Counting prayer beads
no more sacred
than simply
breathing.

If you wish to attain oneness with the Tao,
don´t get caught up in spiritual superficialities.

2)

All true artists,
whether they know it or not,
create from a place of no-mind,
from inner stillness.

I work FOR the positive.
NOT against the negative.

I am too sensitive
to dwell in misunderstanding surroundings.

I feel very strongly
and so I need to look after myself
and allow myself to only spend time
with people who can understand and be supportive,
or at least who don´t treat me as something I´m not.
(After I have explained where I stand).

F.x.some seem to believe I´m arrogant.
I know some things. Crystally clearly.
That does not mean I am arrogant,
or look down on others.
Coz I never in my whole life ever did that!
And it hurts me to discover
people label me unjustly.

I am vulnerable.
I am (over) sensitive.
I now must take myself seriously
and allow myself to choose
social groups where I feel comfortable.
Not rationally sensible group belongings.
But emotionally sensible group belongings.
If that makes sense.
I mean, when I become a group member
(I am happiest in my own company,
and with one trusted friend in truthful conversation)
(I have many such trusted individuals, though,
I´m not an anti social person)
 - when I become a group member,
I must pay attention to how it makes me feel
and withdraw if I feel like it.
In spite of thinking I´m capable of dealing with the energies.

I don´t want to be capable, to make it in spite of.
I want to thrive. To soar high because of.
My choices. Of tasks and co workers.

I need to feel understood to feel good.
It´s about time I work with and not against myself on that one.

In tensity shivers and shakes
Tranquility spreads out and breaks
open
the door beyond which there is more
Never stop asking yourself what it´s for


Fear.
The final frontiere.
Am I the only voyager in this spaceship?
All alone in my limitations,
running yet never getting away.
Every waking hour tension intensifies,
heart
breaking with pain, bursting with joy.
Where and how can I let it all out?
Let feelings flow freely,
and still be seen as sane?
We stand like dumbstruck flowers
slowly torn apart by inner rain.

18/11- 2002

Please don´t rock my boat
I´m off to nevernever land
enjoying nevernever mind
the bloody bombs of battle.

Please let me keep dozing,
I´m happy being cattle!

Nothing I can do or say
will make things better anyway,
just wake me on a better day,
I´ll help by clapping hands...

I´m angry today.
Luckily this is rare.
I let someone`s idiocy get to me.
Took attacks personally.
So now I know I don´t know any better.
Or I do.
But theory and practice are
not necessarily so easy to unite.

"Detached and remaining centered."
"My emotions are not me."
At least my head knows what to do.
While my heart is spitting flames.

I will sleep on it. Not take it so seriously.
Talk to a friend who knows the situation and person.
And prepare for our next meeting.
I can´t afford hostility in this relationship.
And I do not want that either.

I am a lover, not a fighter.
I accept the perfect design of the here and now
and impatiently await inner or outer guidance
towards...constructivity...

Sigh...

The feeling connected to doing it, whatever it is.
That it feels good, in a direct or indirect way,
maybe is it something that´s difficult to say,
but afterwards there is a rush of relief...

At times when I don´t know what to do,
I ask myself: What would Love do now?
I get an answer from within almost immediately.

Worthwhile.
Worth the time spent on doing something.
What´s the opposite; a waste of time?
I don´t really believe in waste of time.
I don´t believe in mistakes,
I believe we create what we need.

So all while has worth!
Every second in life has value.
Nothing is meaningless.

Of course meaning is in the eye
of the interpretor, each of us
are the creators of the meaning of our lives,
we choose how to perceive what happens.

Worth.
While.
When it feels right.
When it feels wrong, I stop doing it.
But it has still been worth my while.
There is no worthless while.
In my perception.

Thankful 4 this question, I´ve been deciding 2 focus more on gratitude, this is a perfect start moment :o)

I am thankful for
my ears, enabling me to hear music, and voices (and other lovely sounds).
my eyes, letting me read, the written,and the unwritten, around me.
my nose, filling me with aromas and fresh air.
my mouth, oh, the joys it brings me!
my what´sitcalled, tactility? Ability to feel, by touch... It is the most amazing, maybe,
of all the human senses.

I am thankful for
my body being healthy, carrying me around.
my mind, puzzling and challenging me, never far away when I need it
(nor when I don´t, haha...)!
my spirit, giving me tuition from within.

Thankful for
nature´s beautiful tranquility
culture´s loving reaching out between humans

Thankful for
likemindedness, understanding communication
laughter ! ! ! !
little gaps in the days, for meditation, contemplation, fascination

Thankful for
honesty, sensitivity, humbleness, consideration, caring...all the expressions of Love.

Thankful for
all the ways we stretch for each other in order to help and heal.

Thankful for
my warm home, my soft sofa, my tv and dvd, my stereo, my mac, my iPod,
my coffee machine, my fridge, my bathroom, my bed, my dining table,
my piano, my bongos, my congas, my flutes, my voice, my ki,
my sheltered garden, my quiet, almost carless, tiny street, my island village,
my funny bicycle, my shoes, my wind proof overcoat, my hat, my mittens.

Thankful for
friends and family
my wonderful man
my heartmelting daughter.

Thankful for
my courage
my survival skills
my dreams.

Thank you, Excistence.
For allowing me this Experience.
Of Love and All.

My blood kin. All my parents´ family members.

My close friends from my years in Bergen.
Those who stayed close when my life was hard.
Ilona, Hege, Rannveig, Leela, Ann-Mari, Mariann, Vyan, Katarina. Brendan and Laila.
(I have many other friends too,whome I feel close to.
But the above mentioned feel different somehow. Probably because I´ve known them for many years, and they have been with me through painful periods).

My daughter´s father´s family. Although we have never met them. They are out there, they are her blood relations, and so they are family.
Hopefully they will get to know one day. So we can get to know each other.

My man´s family.

Helge and Linda, friends here at Fanø, whome my daughter from her own initiative calls grandma and grandpa.

They say "friends are the family one chooses".

Extended family.
Imagined community (Benedict Anderson, about nationalism)...

Family are the closest of the closest ones.
Genetically and timewise. Not always mentally or emotionally close, far from it.
But they´ve had deep impact, from early age, they´ve made a strong imprint...

I don´t divide so much between family and friends.
I don´t grade my friends into best friend and second, third best friend, either.
Love is love.
Every relating is unique, shaped by the two involved.
I don´t need a ship for my relating. Let it flow, grow, or fade out.
Some friends last a life time, others serve a purpose for a period, then dis appear.
One is not better than the other, they´re just different.

Oh, and in my family I include the pets I have had. My guinea pig Petsy,
my cat Filiokus, my cat Milla and her ten kittens, amongst them and closest to my heart, maybe because he is the most recent one;
my cat Pyjamas. Born at my place, with me until he was neary four, he disappeared oct-07. (More about him in a previous blog).

Family. Sharing space for a stretch of time. Sharing hardships. Helping each other.
Taking care of, looking out for, each other.
Being open, personal and vulnerable together.
And stemming from the same dna chains.
Body liquid community, ha ha... blood and sperm. (as in in-laws). Lasting in time.
And tears, between friend-familymembers. Sharing truthfulness. Trust.
:-)

To be related, though... we are all related. All linked, all one.
"A stranger is a friend that you don´t know".
-a slogan from SOS Racism, an ngo I was in for many years.

"I want to live life all inclusive, not all exclusive".
-a slogan I made up myself (I think), ages ago.

Family. Close kin.
Body Liquid Bonds.
Yups.