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calming
October 2009 
What area of your life could use healing right now?
Posted on Nov 19th, 2008
by 
Lene
Lene
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for November 19, 2008:
Wow. Yes. An apt one again... These question do me a lot of good.
Right now
My life could use healing in the area of
couple communication.
How does one, or two ones, grow into a close feeling of one
ness?
How does one create intimacy?
How can I reach him when he does not seem to understand me?
How can I better understand him?
In my world it´s all about talking.
Discussing, to agree, or agree to disagree. Seeing the other´s point,
to an as high as possible degree.
In his world it seems to be all about thinking.
No need to share info unless for a specific reason.
Decisions are made inside the mind, not between people.
I enjoy his leo independency. And I would much rather have
this challenge than the opposite, of a man who talks too much.
But.
I feel left out. Especially in desicions concerning the home we share.
There is just no space for my points to be considered sometimes.
Apart from this issue, I am very happy with him,
more happy than with any other man previously.
So I´m looking to solve our disconnectedness.
I´m not sharing this frustration to blame or complain.
This is just an area of my life that could use healing
right now.
Right now
My life could use healing in the area of
couple communication.
How does one, or two ones, grow into a close feeling of one
ness?
How does one create intimacy?
How can I reach him when he does not seem to understand me?
How can I better understand him?
In my world it´s all about talking.
Discussing, to agree, or agree to disagree. Seeing the other´s point,
to an as high as possible degree.
In his world it seems to be all about thinking.
No need to share info unless for a specific reason.
Decisions are made inside the mind, not between people.
I enjoy his leo independency. And I would much rather have
this challenge than the opposite, of a man who talks too much.
But.
I feel left out. Especially in desicions concerning the home we share.
There is just no space for my points to be considered sometimes.
Apart from this issue, I am very happy with him,
more happy than with any other man previously.
So I´m looking to solve our disconnectedness.
I´m not sharing this frustration to blame or complain.
This is just an area of my life that could use healing
right now.
Access: Public
exchange one set of problems for another as they say –
Wow. Thank you for sharing so much here. I've worked a lot on issues of men/ women and being a couple. Here's some things that have changed my perspective and life.
Pax programs: Pax as in, peace, between the sexes. They offer amazing workshops on better communication and understanding men/ women. You are far away from these workshop locations, but they have workshops on cd and dvd as well as a couple books and online newsletters. This organization transformed the way I see men and how I interact. It's amazing. They changed my life and helped me have successful relationships. No joke.
The Female Brain: An awesome book for understanding and explaining how you work from a psychological/ physiological perspective.
John Gray: The Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus guy. Really, he's awesome.
John Gottman: This guy is amazing too. In his research, he's been able to predict, after 15 minutes of observation, with 80% or so accuracy whether or not couples would be together in five years. He helps couples understand what makes things work and what breaks them up. This is a good book, married or just in a couple.
No one inherently understands relationships and working with the differences that inevitably come up in relationships. So, I have studied it a lot. I didn't have a lot of healthy role-models in life and felt like I had to build my own foundation. I hope these resources can help you both gain understanding and healing. They have helped me a lot.
Jessica, thank you! I´ve read John Gray, it is a good book.
I love books on this issue,
Sissel Gran is a Norwegian psychologist who does couples´therapy (she had a tv series showing their work, very inspiring), but I don´t think her books are translated into English..
I will most definately check out the books you recommend here!
Thank you so much!
:)
Never knew there is a pax program with gender communication workshops! Amazing.
Peace work. If men and women could get along, I guess no one could be tempted into the battlefield for a flag anylonger, huh?
Heh heh, we`d all be too busy making love and grinning sillyly…!
:)