I whisper my wishes
in the air of the earth
may we, children of lovelight
share a heartly rebirth
may humanity rise
from its ignorant intolerance
may our planet be healed
so the future gets a chance

I whisper my wishes
into the new year
I´m hoping for happiness
for all of us here
may peace and joy fill us
and lead us the way
to fearless communion
all free and awake

I´ve learnt a lot lately.
Not least from the loving feedback
on my scribblings here at Gaia.
I now trust that they are appreciated
by intelligent, wonderful people
-not just appreciated by myself.
This is a huge step forward
for someone wondering whether to share
one´s...channeled creations.

Also, I have learnt how to edit video.
Tv Fanø has taken me on and taught me
not to fear the computer buttons.
I now trust in my ability
to finish the beats
that´s been flowing around within me
for years, asking to be shaped into outer form.

I learn every day how to be
a better life partner and mother
and how to make friends and meaning
in my new environment.

I´m learning to make my life
a satisfied place to dwell.

To ask for help. Assistance. Is so hard.
Deep inside of me
there seems to be
a half hidden notion
that needing help is for the weak
and independence equals strong.

It is of course ok to manage stuff on one´s own.
But there will be times when it is
more intelligent to fetch help.
When to realize one´s shortcoming
is the strongest thing one can do.

I guess it is the ego
that gets stuck
in thinking admitting to
non self sufficiency
is a loss of face somehow,
makes one vulnerable somehow,
is embarressing somehow?

It´s certainly not logical.
To struggle beyond ability
stretching and bending and suffering
rather
than asking someone to give a hand.

I mean, I am happy when someone asks for my assistance.
Glad I can make a difference, and glad for the trust they show
in their asking for my help.
Why do I deny others that role?
The pleasure involved in lending a helping hand?

It´s a misunderstanding.
One that I am working consciously to get rid of.
Pride.
Never was no one´s best friend.
Was it?

To give or not to give,
is that the question?
Might very well be.

To give. Acceptance. Forgiveness (is not necessary when one accepts).
To give. Advice, care, emotional support.
I´m good at these.

To give. The hardest thing to give.
Hmmmmmmmmm..........
confidence to myself?
Belief in my value in the eyes of others?
I don´t think I´m so bad at this either, now, any longer...

To give. The hardest thing to give.
Trust. I´m ok with. I seem to quite easily give trust, even to strangers.
As I trust in my intuition.
I feel it when people are not trust worthy.
This does not mean I have not been hurt.
But this has never been due to trusting someone.
More due to the person´s lack of self knowing. Or integrity.

The hardest thing to give.
Access to my innermost heart chambers?
Expression of my emotional reactions?
Vulnerability? (Does one give being vulnerable?)
(One gives opening up, which can feel threatening,
if one thinks others´ opinions can damage one´s self)?

I was bullied in school.
Age 12-16.
At 12 I received teeth braces, glasses and a bad hair do.
Terrible moves. For my poor, fragile puberty identity.
Those years of being treated badly and unfairly
has had a deep impact. Made an imprint.
Which I am still working to change the results of.

The hardest thing for me to give.
Is maybe then actually
myself.
To be completely open and honest
without fearing someone will say something
belittling to me.

I am much better than I used to be.
At being forward, free, daring to stand up for me.
Thank Goodness.

A lot of the positive change has happened lately,
as I finally have a boyfriend who loves me as I am,
and who doesn´t jugde me or try to change me.
Having just one person (or two, of course, my child too)
who...validates...?...supports...accepts...recognizes...
me as who I truely am.
Is a strengthening I didn´t know could be.
It is the furtilizer my soil needs
in order for me to bloom.

Beauty found
Realizing Love unbound
Life´s mysterious ways
Absence of haze and blaze

Joyously celebrating
the kick of good communicating
and the wonder of having energy and health
to soar through the clouds and shower some wealth

down on you down on me
down on all that may be
up and up and away,
celebrating: Today!

In music. Old, native, universal chanting.
In trance.

In rituals, repeated acts solely for soul´s purpose.
As in incence burning, candle lighting.

And prayer.
Talking to the higher.
Self or Life or Love or All, the One, or how to name "it".

In books, actually.
Some send shivers down my spine
as I recognize
some vital piece of knowledge
I´d temporarily forgotten.

In dance. Swirling, or in other motions
allowing my body to lead the way
showing me things otherwise hidden.

In lovemaking.
The ultimate intimacy
opening up, letting in,
melting together,
disappearing and reappearing
through each other´s embrace.

In pregnancy.
The whol (i) est
of all conditions
so overwhelming
so unexplainable
so full filling ! :)

In mothering.
The most sacred task there is.
To parent.
Lead and follow a new being.
Guide it and help it;
assistant consultant.

The sacred is in trees,
in fish, in birds, in flames.

Excistence itself
is sacred.

Some doings connect me with sacredness
more than other doings do.

Yet the most effective way to connect and tune in to it,
is by simply being.
Not doing.
Silencing the mind.
Listening.
It´s All, around.

Just about everything!
Is going right in my life right now!

It´s a very unfamiliar feeling.
Normally I´m managing in spite of something big.
Somebody dying, a brutal break-up,
upcoming exam stress, unemplyment...
Amongst other factors.

These days, though...
My heart is un-heavied,
and because of many things good,
I don´t need to focus on managing,
I am free to explore how to become
more materially...succesful...

Not to impress anybody,
That´s never been my motivation for anything.
But to create financial security,
a personal income.
Is a need I can now allow to come forth.
Creating an income, through doing things I enjoy, even.
This is a rude thing to want, where I grew up.
!

I am standing solid, safe and free, right now.
Soon my first book will be sent off from my hands.
And the first video-beat will see the light of day.
Even more exciting than this, the course in clairvoyance
starting on Valentine´s day´s weekend.
(a nice "co incidence"). (The realm of death has always been a true love of mine).

Hmyes.
Year 9 is gonna be the best one yet.
I feel it in me bones!
=)
 

I never practiced no religion.
I need to think for myself,
not take on a package deal
of ready made belief.

Since I was 12
I´ve been reading eagerly
about death and parapsychology
about thoughts on the why are we.

Later I joined university
studied social anthropology
and organizational psychology
enjoying the learning of theory

When I was 20
I met with zen
swinging my samurai sword
finding my kiai

The closest I will ever come
to being an "ist", is a taoist.
My heart tells me my truth.
I know what is right through my feelings.

I agree with most of the buddhist thinking
I admire Jesus for his wisdome
There are many masters to learn from
and they all talk of the same one all.

Love.

"...is my religion..."
(To quote Ziggy Marley, great song, that)!

Oh, money.
Must be funny
when it sticks like honey
to all you do.

Oh money.
Come to mama
we´ll make a circle
panorama view.

---------------------------------------

My recent relationship with money
is non owning. None of my own.
I earn only for bread and clothes.
The rest is taken care of
by my beloved.

This needs to change.
Preferably rapidly.
I always had my independent economy.
I have to keep making financial decisions.
I feel.

I know
that it will indeed change.
As I rearrange
my position towards the source;
inner source becoming my primary resource
will generate income.
And I will come out
of this  dependency economy.
And celebrate by happily
spending some money!

=)

"I receive everything I need and so much more
from the loving universe, and money keeps on pouring in.. Thank you" !

Why does humanity
repeat its fearful crimes
towards itself?
&
How can we change this
and move into
peaceful interaction?

Inner realm:

By eating less meat and sugar
Doing yoga and spending more time in nature
Meditating regularly and frequently

Outer realm:

By creating an income
through continuing
to increase consciousness

That people´s level of understanding differs,
that everybody can´t understand the same.

That humanity keeps repeating right wing extremism; fascism.
Can we never grow beyond that shit?

Violence and cruelty in general.
Especially towards children and animals.

Intolerance.
Inequality.
Is more unfair than I can bare.

Racism, sexism, Religions´ view on nonbelievers as lesser beings...homoism...
(homofobia sounds like it´s an illness, poor intolerant person)!
... These are all expressions of fascism,
of the belief that some people are worth more than others are.

I can never accept it. Never.
I´m intolerant towards intolerance.

Ouside my window, in the garden, birds are shouting at eachother.
Bushes are being pushed around by sweeps of wind.
There is a pond in the black plastic snow sled. Wind makes the pond wavy.
Behind me, my kid is watching a film, and is giving me a running comment.
A black bird with bright yellow beak
is picking at the bag of seeds I put up in the apple tree. It seems rather empty.

I notice I am grateful for not being a bird out there in the whipping winds right now.
(I will go out there when I´ve posted this, though. More seeds are needed).

Fear.

To be allowed passage.
To be faced.
To be taken seriously.

To be reasoned with,
talked to,analyzed, to understand its cause.
To be cried.
To be accepted.

To try and change my inner dialogue.
If unsuccesful,
to get help from nlp or other specialist.

Of course we can !
It´s like photography, together with the mind as an internal storyteller.
Just rest eyes anywhere, and start to describe in thoughts, in a positive tone.

F.x.the window cill I sit by right now.
It has a big shell standing on it, in which there are lots of little shells.

It´s standing in front of a little, dark green flat piece of wood, lots of tiny gold stars glued onto it, and in the middle, a mirror, with a tiny shelf underneath it.. It´s just leaning against the window.
In the mirror I see the shell with the shells in it. And also I see lots of pens, a ruler, a pencil..sticking up behind the shells, and at the same time I also see the pens in the mug to the right of the shells on the cill.
The mug is white, with black giraffe silhouettes on it. Handle is broken. (I got it as a present many years ago, from the daughter of my ex partner).

Other items on the window cill is my calendar from last year, with some addresses in handwriting on it (need it every time I send a birthday present to Norway).
And a torqoise plastic box full of empty, white bits of paper, for instant scribble needs.

There is the candle my kid made in kindergarten, white, framed with pine twigs (still green and fresh, how is that possible?), between the candle and the twigs a pine cone, a red silk band, and 4 feathers; one bright green, one bright orange and two yellow ones. The whole thing rests on a slice of wood. I feel all warm when I look at it.

There is also a round and brown metal retro lamp (real deal, not a recent fashion copy)!, and a porcelain flowerpot with a blue smiling face painted on it.
Sticking out of the pot is a long thin stick where a round flat piece of shell has been fastened to the tip, by metal string... What is that thing?
Must ask my boyfriend, I don´t have a clue...
There is a big ceramic brown pot with a treelike plant in it. And a small cactus. And a little wooden sailboat, actually! And in the window hangs a strange brass coneshaped thing with a handle on it...also my boyfriend´s...

---------------------                   ------------------------------            

I´m not saying my description is beautiful to the readers.
But it certainly creates something beautiful inside my head.
And heart. Just to notice properly, to pay attention to details...
makes me feel good. There is beauty in that mirror image, of the shells and pens.
Beauty, in the eye of this beholder.

:o)

Inner stillness.
No thoughts.
Calm.

Free from worry.
Safe from harm.

The place I feel the most free
is in the peace inside of me

And in my extended physical home
and out in nature all alone

Freedom is a state of heart
where is here and now to start

How to heal
humanity
into a condition
of joy and ease

Where to go
and what to sow
in order for
global peace to grow

Being the vision
is the whole mission
to live in love
and calm to listen?

But what about "evil",
fascistic upheaval
to speak up against
their causing bereaval?

Being the change
that one wants to see
means we all speak for peace
like our friend Gandhi

I don´t think it´s right
to detach and let be
Because we are one
we all need to see

that fighting for food
and for land and for oil
is a symptom of pain
beyond which we´ll evolve

through kindness and sharing
and wholehearted caring
solidarity and justice
can replace the fearing

I´ll live as I learn
there is no other way
than to be who I am
and to stand up and say

Hey!
People!
Leave those kids alone!
We don´t want to be no
blooded bricks in a wall...

(Roger Waters,
writer of Pink Floyd,
I thank you).

Some times it sounds like the "no!" of Lara Croft, Tombraider,
a calm yet definite sound.

It´s different from fear, as it does not add a lot of ifs and buts- thoughts.
It´s just that one word, and I just know, somehow, that it´s right.

Some times my intuition talks in the shape of feeling.
I become restless, or get an uneasy feeling in my stomach,

And on the opposite side, my intuition gives the "go!" - signal
by filling me with enthusiasm, a sense of intense attraction
f.ex. towards an activity or a teacher.

My intuition, or my heart, knows only "yes" and "no".
When I am in doubt about something,
it means "maybe later. Not now."

When my heart shouts "YESSS!!!", I do my best to follow that direction.
And the way to know whether it is truely my heart/ intuition talking,
is to simply ask my heart.
Immediately I get a reply;
"No. it´s not the heart that wants this, it is the ego".

My intuition is what gives me
the most sound advice.

To be fearless
in Love

Joy-full
in Peace

To die smiling