Hate.
Or fear.

To love the opposite of love.

To be materially independent.
To stand on my own feet, so to speak.
To attract money, basically.

I also need to learn
not to identify with my emotions
- how to deal with unpleasant moods.

I´m on my way.
A lot closer to learning these things now
than I ever was.

So at least I don´t have to learn
to be optimistic!

:o)

Little Steven has.
Age 12 I discovered him when he released his "voice of America"-album.
The lyrics. His passionate rightousness. I know all his songs by heart,
and there are still times when I have to turn one up loud and sing with him,
shivers down my spine...

Bob Marley.

Prince. Michael Jackson. Boy George. Madonna.

Roger Waters.

Lauryn Hill. Her unplugged-album? Awe inducing.
What she says between the songs. Moves me so so deeply.

Leonard Cohen. Love him. Totally and Truely.

A lot of music means a lot to me. In all genres as long as not monotonous.
But the names above stand out.
They have helped me realize who I am.

My purpose. What I am to do.
Decided by Me/God/Life
before I placed myself here in the human experience,
or decided now by now.

It doesn´t matter (to me) what time I figure(d) out what to do.
And I don´t feel completely sure even yet.
I don´t think.

I feel, however.
That I am to...
help heal.

Through the use of
voice.
Mine
and the voice of passed away ones, maybe?

Through the gaining of insights
and the sharing of these.

The last time I was gven a hint?
Thing is, I can´t think/feel of a reply to this.

I have signs frequently.
Makes me laugh when I am thinking of something
and the answer or next sentence of my chain of thought
comes from the radio, tv or a person I talk with on the street.

Maybe my whole daily living is so syncronized these days
that I don´t notice being nudged?
I´m just following my path moment by moment,
and elements are linked up in such a non missable way
I take it in my stride, as it comes, without wondering about the hows?

My creative life is manifesting. Video, book and clairvoyance
are all lying in my lap, eagerly awaiting next phase,
which is about to begin.

I know what I am to do, now. Video, book and clairvoyance.
To grow into the workings of these matters. Towards mastering.

There is also a child coming. Not yet.
But not too far into the future either.

I feel.
Thereby I become.

Explorer of expressions.
Steering this spaceship my body,
my spirit using my mind
to play. Find out. And to love.

I am ready, I am open.
Hint me!
:O)

Settling into trust.

The question of where money will come from.

Settling into this new home. Moving stuff around, moving deeper into tune with it.

Being open, ready to receive.

Breaking previously imagined limitations.

Or like I said in a haiku some months ago here on Gaia:

Right now I am opening
searching, asking What Within:
When what how, with whome?

#2

Finding out with whome to play
publish book, make film and see
doors will open wide.

#3

Clarity is raining fresh
onto thirsty dried out skin
I will drink and swim!

#4

All is play or not to play
trusting breathing easily
just allow to be.

#5

Non action is hard to do!
Lower shoulders and relax.
Accept your design


Hahahaha... Didn´t know these were bursting to jump out.
#2 to #5 drizzled through me in a couple of minutes here now!
Would love to continue flowing with them,
but I am very tired, and must go learn about Titledeco soon (editing programme).
So.
Yes.
Theme is shifting smoothily
slowly knowing more and more
how to what with whome.

(My brain must be in haiku autopilot mode)
I want to sleeeeeeeep noooooooow
!

In the woods
sheltered underneath small tree
with branches leaning on the ground,
creating a dome around the trunk.

Sitting quietly there
watching birds come pretty close,
and squirrels.


Also, alone in the darkness of a cinema.
A splendid place to get some space.

And in the husslebussle
of a city cafe
where no one knows you
and you can fix your eyes in a book you brought
and listen to the peace of your distance to the noises
and look up discreetly when something interesting
sounds like it´s happening.

And then of course
there is always the library.

And the final frontiere,
behind a closed door at home.